Two Voices
by Lucy Mars
Summary: Is it Josh and Donna, or Josh and Amy?


**Title: Two Voices**

**Author: Lucy Mars**

**Disclaimer: Bah! If they were mine, Amy would be swimming with the fishes. **

****

Spoilers: Everything to be safe 

***Really, I've got no idea where this came from….but here it is. I realize that I've left like three fics hanging, and I apologize, but the muse wouldn't shut up till this was done.**

****Pairing, you ask. You'll just have to read the whole thing and pick up the clues I so subtly leave. ;] **

*****Is it Josh and Donna, or Josh and Amy? Hmm. Haha, I'm evil, I know. ;]**

**`~`~`~`~`~`**

            They tell you when you're young and desperate to believe, that time will heal all wounds. They tell us, when we don't know any better, that as the minutes tick by and fade away, so does the hurt. Well, they lied. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Time doesn't heal anything. All it does is merely push it aside (that explains that numb throbbing I've been feeling for the past three years), only to be rehashed when the memories return. Tonight it returned, as I looked at the invitation the Former First Lady personally handed me. Being on her staff has some perks. Including an invitation to a swanky party full of friends, family and her husband's old staff.

            After all these years, it still hurts. I loved him. I may have never told him, I may have never shown him, but I did. So much that it scared me. 

He's married. They got married years ago. I've always wondered how they did it. How they managed to stay together after all these years. They're so different, yet they're the same, I suppose. I try and tell myself, when it starts to hurt too much, that it's not real. That it's nothing more than a political marriage. That they don't love each other the way WE could love each other. But they do. They do love each other that much. What they have, it's real. That only serves to intensify the pain. 

I can't help but wonder though, how my life would have been if I had just told him. If I had just moved past the anger and fear, if I had just thrown to the wind, and made him listen. 

            But I was too late. I didn't tell him and he found her. Not so much found and finally saw, I suppose. She'd been there all along. I didn't stop him from falling in love with her. I didn't let him know that he had a choice. I didn't let him know that I would have loved him for forever and a day. That I would have stayed with him for eternity. 

I loved him. I still love him. After all these years, I still love him. I watched him with her and I watched her with him. It was rocky at first, but they survived. They made it to the alter, much too soon in my opinion. I watched him fumble and make her mad. I watched her laugh and smile at his idiocy. They didn't think I noticed. They didn't think I cared, but I did. I saw it all. I listened to DC talk about how they suited each other perfectly. How he was lucky to have her. What did they all see in her? Why was SHE so great for him? My bitterness and jealously could be clouding my judgment, or I could be the only person seeing clearly. 

Don't they see how perfect I am for him? How much better I could be for him? How perfect he is for me? I suppose it should be "was" instead of "is", seeing how he's married and all, but I can't stop thinking how much happier I could make him, how much better we would be together. It's been three years since I last saw him. Maybe this is my chance. Maybe this is it. Maybe I'll finally tell him how much I love him.

`~`~`~`~`

            "I've got to start getting ready."

            Smiling, Josh helped his wife up. "Slowly,"

            "I'm not going to break," she frowned, gently slapping his hands away and pushing his back down onto the couch, "I'm perfectly capable of getting up myself."

            "Honey," Josh sighed, trying to be calm, "just be careful."

            "I'm pregnant. That doesn't make me an invalid."

            "You almost tripped last week," Josh reminded her.

            Raising an elegant eyebrow, his wife helpfully pointed out, "Because you left your junk all over the floor, Josh. I'm going to take a nice long bath and start getting ready."

            "We've got hours before we need to be there." Josh laughed, "It usually doesn't take you more than an hour."

            "Well ever since you did this to me," his wife grinned, pointing at her protruding stomach, "everything takes a little bit longer."

            Pretending to be shocked, Josh gasped in mock horror. "You're blaming me?"

            "Are you surprised?" she laughed, giving him a saucy grin.

            "Well, no…but still. As I recall, you're the one who wanted to get away for the weekend." Josh smirked, "You're the one who wanted me all to yourself."

            Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "You're ego never ceases to amaze me."

            "You're the one who wanted to go to that bed and breakfast." 

            "And you're the one who ordered the wine."

            "Fine," Josh conceded, "I'll take the blame for this one."

            "You're damn right you will," she laughed, kissing his head, "I'm gonna go get ready."

            Leaning against her swollen tummy, Josh rubbed his hand gently over their growing child. "Be good for mommy. She's tired."

            "I doubt that 'he' can hear you, daddy." mommy smiled, running her fingers through Josh's hair.

            "Yes 'she' can," Josh answered, "Can't you baby?"

            As if on cue, a little foot slammed against mommy's stomach and lightly grazed Josh's cheek.

            Grinning, Josh smiled smugly at his wife. "See mommy? 'She' can hear me."

            "Nothing more than a coincidence." Mommy denied, " 'He' probably had a cramp in his leg."

            "Father's intuition," Josh beamed, kissing her stomach fondly, "Don't doubt it."

            "Josh?"

            "Yeah?"

            "She's gonna be there."

            "I know," Josh answered looking up, "Are you okay? If you don't want to go, Abby will understand. This is just the big party. We'll go to the small dinner tomorrow night if you…"

            "Josh," mommy laughed, cutting him off, "I'm fine with it. Are you? It's been awhile since you've seen her."

            "Why would I not be fine?" Josh asked, feigning ignorance.

            Sighing, she gently ran her fingers through his wild hair, "I'm a confident woman, Josh."

            "Yes you are."

            "I know you love me."

            "I do." Josh said adamantly.

            "But I also know that you two had this thing…"

            "It was a long time ago," Josh protested.

            "I know," she smiled.

            "I love 'you'." Josh said seriously.

            "I know,"

            "I married 'you'." Josh reminded her.

            "You sure did," she laughed, amused by his persistence, "but that doesn't mean that they thing you two had never existed. You know," she smiled mischievously, "before you, I did have other relationships."

            "Bah!" Josh squeaked covering his ears, "Too much information."

            Laughing, she pulled his hands away from his ears. "Josh, be serious for a second. Is it going to be awkward when you see her tonight?"

            "No," Josh said seriously, "it won't be. We had a thing once, but that was it. A fleeting, temporary thing."

            "All right," mommy nodded, satisfied with his answer, "I'm going to go take a nice long bath."

            "Okay," Josh replied, kissing her stomach quickly. Watching her disappear into bedroom, Josh couldn't help but think about what she said. His wife was right. He did once have a "thing" with this other woman. He loved his wife, he always had. Since the first time he met her. He didn't realize it right away. Neither did she. He wasted years of his life, their life, being afraid. But in the end, it all worked out. They were happy now, as Sam liked to point out, disgustingly so. Sure their relationship wasn't conventional, but neither had their courtship been. Theirs was one full of bumps and bruises, fumbles and fall, ups and downs, and most importantly, love. 

Josh never regretted his decision. His love. He was happier now than he'd ever been before. He was a husband, a father-to-be, a best friend and least importantly, amazingly enough, a politician. 

There were never moments of regrets or second guesses. There were no thoughts about what could have been. There were no doubts. Only happiness. 

Listening to the sound of water splashing against their bathtub, and smelling the  soft scent of his wife's favorite bubble bath Josh couldn't help but think about the other woman. He knew that once upon a time she loved him, but he never loved her. He cared, but not that way. Not the way that she wanted. A part of him loved her, but he had never, and would never, "be" in love with her. 

Josh loved his wife. He always had and he always would. Till the day he died. Even after death, his love for his wife would never diminish. 

Seeing her again wouldn't change that. Josh wasn't worried about that. Running into her again was an inevitability. Josh was surprised that it hadn't happened sooner. She worked in DC. She always would. She'd fallen under the same spell that he and his wife had. The betlway had a hold on them, and it wasn't going to let go anytime soon. 

Josh and his wife would greet her tonight and make polite conversation. They were good at that. Well she was good at that, and making his follow her lead.

"Josh?" His wife's voice drifted from their bathroom.

"Yeah?"

"The water is really nice."

Smirking to himself, Josh kicked his shoes off and jumped to his feet. "Is it now?"

"It is," she replied playfully.

"Are you using up all the hot water?" Josh inquired, pulling his sweatshirt over his head and throwing it behind him carelessly.

"Possibly," she laughed.

"Well, I don't want to take a cold shower."

"No, you don't."

Leaning against the doorjamb, Josh smiled at his flushed wife who looked quite amusing enveloped in a mountain of bubbles. "I think that you're going to have to share the hot water."

Grinning, she made a sweeping motion with her hand and splashed some water out of the tub. "I guess I will, if I have too. Coming in?"

Laughing, Josh nodded eagerly. 

`~`~`~`~`~`

            Nervously twirling her champagne flute between her fingers, she watched out of the corner of her eye for him. Many of the guests had arrived, but he was still missing. In the sea of people that she'd talked to tonight, not one person had been able to hold her attention. She didn't think anyone would be able too until she saw him. 

Self-consciously smoothing down the front of her dress, she felt her heart speed up when the familiar flair of hair came into view. There he was. Grinning, with dimples and all. He was here. He looked amazing and he was here. Of course, with him came his wife…his very pregnant wife. She'd known of course, but knowing wasn't the same as seeing. Whatever denial she'd granted herself, flew out the window the moment Josh wrapped a protective arm around his wife and child. God, she was going to be sick.

Meeting his eyes across the crowded room, she waited for his eyes to convey his longing and regret. She waited for something to flash across his eyes. Desire, remorse, grief, anything.  She held her breath, and waited for him to feel what she was feeling, but it never came. Josh spotted her and gave her a small smile. One free of yearning and sorrow. His smile was friendly and sincere. He was actually happy to see her, and from the expression on wife's face, so was she.

Gulping the rest of the bubbly champagne, Amy watched the beaming duo walk across the crowded ballroom towards her. 

"Amy," 

"Hey J." Amy answered, forcing herself to smile, "Hi Donna."

"Hi Amy," Donna smiled, a hand absently rubbing her stomach, "You look beautiful."

Looking down guiltily at the dress she'd chosen to try to seduce Donna's husband with, Amy laughed lightly. How ironic was this? "Thanks. You look great. Glowing, even."

"Thanks," Donna blushed, smiling up at Josh when he gave her a small squeeze. "How have you been?"

"Good, good." Amy mumbled grabbing another flute of champagne. "I guess congratulation are in order for the two of you. When are you due?"

"Not for another four months." Josh answered, giving Donna a disgustingly delighted smile.

"There's CJ," Donna said spotting the older woman across the room, "I'm going to go over and talk to her. I'll let you two catch up."

Almost choking on her champagne, Amy didn't know if she would have been so trusting if their roles were reversed. 

Frowning, Josh reluctantly let go of Donna's hand. "Be careful. It's crowded in here and people might bump into you…"

"I'll be fine," Donna laughed, kissing Josh quickly. "It was nice seeing you again, Amy."

"Yeah," Amy replied forcing herself to smile, "you too."

"Take your time," Josh said resisting the urge to go with Donna and protect her. 

Shaking her head at her husband, Donna made her way through the crowd and was quickly swallowed by the masses of bodies.

"Well," Josh said turning back to Amy.

"Yeah," Amy sighed, quickly drinking her champagne. 

"How have you been?" 

Looking up at Josh and his genuine curiosity, Amy swallowed her sarcastic answer and shrugged her shoulders. "The same. You?"

"Good," Josh grinned, "Donna and I are really excited."

"You'll be an amazing father," Amy told him truthfully. She knew he would. She wouldn't just fantasize about "any" man being the father of her children.

"Thank you."

"How's working for the DNC?"

"Not the same as the White House," Josh laughed.

"I heard Allen offered you a job," Amy said feeling her own face mirroring his smile. His grin had always been infectious. 

"He did," Josh confirmed, "but I'm not taking it."

Almost spraying her mouthful of champagne out at him, Amy looked up at him. "What?" 

Amused by her reaction, Josh tried not to laugh. "I'm not taking it."

"Why the hell not?" Amy demanded, "He's going to be in the White House in five years."

"Getting a little ahead of yourself?" Josh smirked.

Narrowing her eyes, Amy frowned at Josh's blasé attitude. "You know I'm right."

"You are." Josh shrugged.

"Than why aren't you taking the job?"

"Because I'm going to be a father."

"You can be both." Amy answered.

"I can," Josh agreed, "but I don't want to."

"The White House, Josh!" Amy exclaimed, "You could have Leo's job."

"I don't want it," Josh replied sincerely.

"Yes you do." Amy said fervently.

"No," Josh laughed, "I don't. I want to see my kids grow up. Working for Allen isn't going to let me do that."

"It's the opportunity of a lifetime," Amy pointed out, "This is what you've always wanted."

"What I've wanted has changed," Josh said honestly, "I want to be a good father. I want to be a good husband."

"So you're giving it all up for Donna?" Amy demanded angrily. She would have never made him choose. She would have supported him. She would have made him take the job, the dumbass.

"No," Josh said shaking his head, "I'm giving it up for me."

"For you?" Amy asked confused.

"For me," Josh repeated, not a trace of hostility on his face, "I'm doing it for me. I've been in the White House and I loved every minute of it, but I don't need it again. Three years ago, I would have, but not now. I have everything I want. I don't need anything else. I'm happy, Amy."

Taking a shaky breath, Amy looked at Josh with an expression of amazement. "You've changed." she whispered sadly.

"I have." Josh agreed. "For the better."

"Yeah?" Amy asked, uncertain.

"Yeah," Josh assured her.

"Josh?" Amy asked nervously wringing her hands.

"What?" Josh asked, even though he knew.

Laughing, though she had nothing to laugh about, Amy licked her dry lips. "Josh…I …I wanted to…I want to tell you…"

Giving her a small smile, Josh caught Amy's cold hand his is warm one. "I know."

"You know?" she asked feeling shock radiate off of her.

"I do," Josh said nodding, "I always have."

"Always?"  
  


"Yeah."

"Than why…" Amy asked, her eyes flying to Donna's laughing face.

"Because I love my wife." Josh admitted, following Amy's eyes across the crowded floor, "Even before she was my wife."

"Oh," Amy said stupidly, her eyes falling to her feet.

"I'm sorry, Amy."

"It's okay," she lied, trying to get her emotions under control.

"I care about you. I always will, but…"

"But you don't love me." Amy finished.

"I'm sorry." 

"Don't be." Amy sighed, "It's not your fault."

Grasping her chin in his hand, Josh made Amy look at him. "One day, you'll make some guy really happy. You'll have it too, Amy. You'll find your happily ever after."

Blinking back her tears, Amy pulled her chin out of Josh's gentle grasp. "Go find your wife. I know that you're anxious too."

"You going to be okay?" Josh asked, his eyes already searching for his wife.

No. "Yeah, sure."

"Okay," Josh smiled, "I'll see you around Amy."

"Yeah," Amy muttered watching Josh cross the room in record time, "I'll see you around."

`~`~`~`~`

"Okay, it's official, you're disgustingly beautiful."

Laughing, Donna turned around and gave Sam a bright smile. "Hey."

"Mrs. Moss-Lyman," Sam said sharing a smile with CJ, "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" Donna asked hugging Sam tightly.

"Manage to glow so damn bright."

"Hey, hey," Josh admonished, wrapping his arms protectively around his wife and child, " 'She' can hear you, you know."

"No 'he' can't." Donna corrected, leaning back against Josh.

"Mommy should be more concerned about what her baby 'girl' hears." Josh pointed out, resting his chin on her shoulder.

Rolling her eyes, Donna smiled at CJ and Sam. "Seeing how 'he' has you for a daddy, I have a feeling that certain choice words are going to be part of 'his' vocabulary anyway."

"What are you trying to say?" Josh asked with mock hurt.

"That you're a potty mouth." Donna teased.

"Am not!"

"You really are," CJ jumped in, "Isn't he, Spanky?"

"Complete and utter potty mouth, our Joshua Lyman." Sam deadpanned.

"Are we ganging up on Josh?" Toby asked, joining the laughing trio and a scowling Josh.

"Would we have it any other way?" CJ asked hugging Toby quickly.

"No," Toby replied kissing Donna quickly. "Look at you, carrying Josh's offspring. You're a brave woman, Donna."

"She is, isn't she?" Sam laughed.

Giving Josh and playful smile, Donna turned back to her friends. "I try."

"I hate you all," Josh muttered, kissing his wife.

"Aw, you know you love us, Giselle." CJ laughed raising her champagne glass to Josh.

Rolling his eyes as his friends had a laugh at his expense, Josh intertwined his fingers with Donna. "Remind me why we're talking to these crazy people."

Grinning up at Josh, Donna wiped away the smudge of lipstick that she'd left on his lips earlier. "Because deep down, you know you love them."

"I love you." Josh whispered, capturing Donna's hand and kissing her palm.

"I know," Donna smiled, "I love you too."

"Okay, okay." CJ yelled breaking the romantic moment, "Cut it out you two, before I puke."

"And that ladies and gentleman," Toby announced, dryly plucking the flute of champagne out of CJ's fingers, "is why CJ shouldn't be given alcohol before she's eaten."

Laughing, Josh wrapped a strong arm around Donna and spent the night reminiscing with old friends and his extended family. Yeah, he was one lucky guy. 

`~`~`~`~`

Did ya' like? I know, I've been away for a while, but I'm working hard to finish everything I've left hanging. Think of this little fic as my gift to you. ;]


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